Finally!  My long-overdue review of Lori Gottlieb's book, "Marry Him: the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" is here.  Short story is that I think that this book is very much a worthwhile read.  That said, I admit it took me about two months to read it all the way through, if not a little longer.  The reason is that Lori spends a lot of time talking about herself and her own woes up through about the middle of the book.  To that point, most of her insight about dating is that she's been too picky from a general sense in the past, and as a result, she's single at 41 raising a toddler on her own (no absentee father, she made a decision to have a baby w/o full male participation) and she's not particularly happy about it.  If I in any way connected with Lori through reading her story (which I didn't), I would have cared.  However, since she doesn't paint herself as a particularly likable or even warm person, but instead completely judgemental and a pure elitist, both intellectual and otherwise, I wasn't very sympatheic to her plight to find a man.  Based on the picture that she painted, this is a person that even I would avoid on the street, let alone refuse to date.  The real valuable information comes towards the end where Lori tells the stories of more friendly women, who got past their ridiculous lists and requirements and "settled" for the men in their lives (most of the women in her examples are married and quite happily so) who brought them everything they needed which in turn became everything they wanted.  Verdict is, read the book, but start in the middle so that you don't get turned off before you reach the goldmine of relationship information hidden toward the end.

If you're wondering what kicked me in the butt to finally finish the book, it was my watching "What Chili Wants" on VH1 on Sunday night.  Girlfriends, that episode gave me nightmares for three days.  How unreasonable can you get with a list of requirements and expectations?  I came to the conclusion that by requiring a man to be charming, attractive, in perfect physical condition (with a 6-pack no less), a non-drinker, non-smoker, non-pork eater, man who walks on water before you can even get to a second date, what Chili wants is to be single.  Period.  If you have my book, I refer you to the very first section, "Maybe You Don't Know What You Want," where I give you lots of tips and information on how to go from irrelevant objective criteria (e.g., Chili's list) to subjective, substantive requirements.  A "wishlist" just makes you judgmental.  Having requirements based on your true needs is a different thing. 

If you'd like to purchase my book, "Maybe...It's You! Stop Wondering Why You're Single, Girlfriend, and Read This Book!",  it is available on Amazon.com along with Lori Gottlieb's book, "Marry Him: the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough."  I recommend that you get both!

Until next time!

-NN

Spring cleaning time is here!  Time to take inventory of the relationships in your life, get rid of all of the "clutter," drama and distractions and start fresh!  I'm giving you my tips for a new start in your relationships.  If you havent watched Episode 13 already, "Getting Rid of the Cuckoo Birds" make sure you catch that one, as well as Episode 12 "Getting Over a Breakup!"

For detailed information on creating your description of what you want, head straight to the downloadable excerpt of "Maybe...It's You!" my book!   

In this Episode 9, I discuss the concept of "realistic compassion."  It's a term that I coined myself to fully represent what is needed in a relationship in order to become a "First Follower."  Compassion is a term that I came across in a number of descriptions that people in successful relationships assigned to each other.  Only thing, the term compassion was too general to be a productive measure for my Girlfriends.  So, I added another concept - realism, to get us to where we need to be, hence "Realistic Compassion."  This is fully explained in the above video.  Enjoy!

I can't believe that we're already at Episode 8!  But here it is!  So, as promised, I get a little personal every few videos and in this one, I describe what gives me trouble incorporating into my own life from my book, "Maybe...It's You!"  Although I wrote the book, I'm on the same journey as all of my readers - trying to understand myself and striving for maximum personal growth!  My book is a tool, but the work is a continual process.  I'd love it if any of you were brave enough to share what growth opportunities present the most challenge for your as well!  Remeber my saying:

"Being flawed and being fabulous are not mutually exclusive."

Enjoy! ...and then, marinate and discuss.