Maybe...It's You! Ep. 19: "The List"

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Finally!  My long-overdue review of Lori Gottlieb's book, "Marry Him: the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" is here.  Short story is that I think that this book is very much a worthwhile read.  That said, I admit it took me about two months to read it all the way through, if not a little longer.  The reason is that Lori spends a lot of time talking about herself and her own woes up through about the middle of the book.  To that point, most of her insight about dating is that she's been too picky from a general sense in the past, and as a result, she's single at 41 raising a toddler on her own (no absentee father, she made a decision to have a baby w/o full male participation) and she's not particularly happy about it.  If I in any way connected with Lori through reading her story (which I didn't), I would have cared.  However, since she doesn't paint herself as a particularly likable or even warm person, but instead completely judgemental and a pure elitist, both intellectual and otherwise, I wasn't very sympatheic to her plight to find a man.  Based on the picture that she painted, this is a person that even I would avoid on the street, let alone refuse to date.  The real valuable information comes towards the end where Lori tells the stories of more friendly women, who got past their ridiculous lists and requirements and "settled" for the men in their lives (most of the women in her examples are married and quite happily so) who brought them everything they needed which in turn became everything they wanted.  Verdict is, read the book, but start in the middle so that you don't get turned off before you reach the goldmine of relationship information hidden toward the end.

If you're wondering what kicked me in the butt to finally finish the book, it was my watching "What Chili Wants" on VH1 on Sunday night.  Girlfriends, that episode gave me nightmares for three days.  How unreasonable can you get with a list of requirements and expectations?  I came to the conclusion that by requiring a man to be charming, attractive, in perfect physical condition (with a 6-pack no less), a non-drinker, non-smoker, non-pork eater, man who walks on water before you can even get to a second date, what Chili wants is to be single.  Period.  If you have my book, I refer you to the very first section, "Maybe You Don't Know What You Want," where I give you lots of tips and information on how to go from irrelevant objective criteria (e.g., Chili's list) to subjective, substantive requirements.  A "wishlist" just makes you judgmental.  Having requirements based on your true needs is a different thing. 

If you'd like to purchase my book, "Maybe...It's You! Stop Wondering Why You're Single, Girlfriend, and Read This Book!",  it is available on Amazon.com along with Lori Gottlieb's book, "Marry Him: the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough."  I recommend that you get both!

Until next time!

-NN

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