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I recently came across one of the most amazing quotes and I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised who said it.  It came from Oprah, on an episode of her OWN reality show following her 25th and final season of the Oprah Show.  The quote is as follows:

"The only courage you ever need is the courage to live the life of your dreams."

Now, I don't have any tattoos, because I never heard or saw anything so important to me that I was certain I wouldn't change my mind about it later - but this quote, this is tattoo-worthy.

The only courage you ever need is the courage to live the life of your dreams.  I know I've been writing a bit about courage and fear and maybe that's what happens when you dig down past all the dating and relationship issues, and get down to what matters most - your relationship with yourself and the life that you want to live.  Not just from a one-dimensional perspective, but organically, all the way around.  So, the way I see it, fear and courage are the two most important subjects that should follow and I could write about both for years and years (I'm sure I won't, but I'm just saying'...).  In my last blog post, I asked you your name for courage.  Who are you when you are the most courageous?  And as you ask yourself this question about courage, ask yourself the same about fear.  Who or what is it in you that tells you that you can't or you shouldn't when you try to answer the life that's calling you? 

Your dreams whisper to you so softly that no one else can hear them - and that's because they're only for you.  Your dreams are a "to be" that are meant to be - but only you can make it so.  Give credit and credence to your dreams - they know you better than you know yourself.

And that's why it's so important Girlfriends (and Guy friends too), to find the courage to fight past the fear - the apprehension of the unknown.  Your miscalculation of the likelihood of failure.  That's fear - you think you're gonna lose, so you don't even play the game.  Well, Girlfriends, we all know that if you don't play the game, you lose anyway.  So, what's there really to be afraid of? 

Name your fear - because it is not a part of who you are.  And then, move past it with the courage to answer the life that's calling you.

Much love,
NN
As some of you know, but many do not, my "name" is Jaunique.  Nikki Nokes is the nickname that my grandmother gave to me to let me know that she thought that I was special.  Then, Nikki Nokes became the name that I gave myself when I was too afraid to live my dreams.  I had an idea and a message and I wanted to write a book.  Beyond writing the book, I wanted to share my thoughts, my unvetted opinions and a point of view.  It's scary when you decide to do something that takes you out of the background.   So, Nikki Nokes has become the name that I go by in this very special space that we share.  I consider it sacred.

I'm giving you this information because I have a larger message (when don't I, right?).  There's going to come a time in your life when you need to borrow courage to take the next step.  There will be a time when no matter how hard you try, you may not feel like you're enough or you have enough to make the jump.  But, I'm telling you that you must.  Whether it's writing your own book, or starting a reading group, putting together your recipes for your bakery, or getting into the gym for the first time - it's your unique challenge to conquer.  When I made the decision to write my book, I was scared immobile with thoughts of "what will people think," "will they judge me at work?," "what if they don't like my book?," and worst of all "what if I'm not good enough?"  These questions plague us all in the adventure of progress in our lives, and the lucky people just ignore them and keep on truckin'.  The rest of us, me included, have to find a way to silence the doubt and push our way into action

My path to action meant that I had to borrow permission from someone else.  Yes, it seems extreme to have to literally borrow permission, but that is where Nikki Nokes came to serve a second purpose for me.  Now, more than just a nickname, Nikki Nokes allowed me to be the person I could not be on my own and say the things I could not...well thought I could not say.  And here we are, a year and a half later, one book published, 21 videos, 8 blog entries, and 2700 Friends, Fans and Girlfriends later into what I once thought was impossible

Sometimes, you have to rename yourself.  Sometimes you have to borrow permission from that person inside of you who is fearless and worthy and special. 

Find your new name and take your next step.

-- NN

Hey there Girlfriends, it's been so long, I've been having the most trouble trying to figure out where to start with blog topics!  I'm asking myself, do I go back to where we left off, or should I start with something a little more current?  I've decided to start with something a little more recent relative to where I am now, but I know we have a year's worth of events, ideas, and discoveries to cover.  Believe me, I don't plan on leaving anything out.

For now, I just want to give you a little story about a guy that I dated and how he "sponsored" one of my most important lessons.  You know how you can "hang out" with someone for a period of months - going out, spending time on the phone, even exchanging affirmations about how you feel about the other person, but still it's clear that there's no real relationship there?  That was me - at the beginning of this year.  Actually, to be honest, that's been me a million times before, but the most recent time...was then.  And so, for a period, I fooled myself into thinking that this half-baked experience was better than nothing.  And so I stuck with it.  Until...one day - there was just this one day, I dressed my best.  I looked my best.  I felt my best.  And the million bucks me went out with him again, on our usual "non-date."  And in one moment, where he looked at me like he would on any other night - any other night where I hadn't put in the work, time and effort and most importantly, any other night where I wasn't feeling like I was the most fabulous thing around - I knew just then that he didn't see me.  Not that I was invisible, but some of the most important parts of me were invisible to him.  He didn't get the total picture - just a piece and that wasn't good enough for me.  At least, not anymore.

So, on that night Girlfriends, I made the decision to stand up for myself.  I decided never to let someone take a part of me - the part that works the best for them, and leave the rest.  I come as a complete package, and a pretty spectacular one at that - so if someone doesn't get all of it, they don't get to get any of it.

Standing up for myself - and I mean, all of myself, finally gave me permission to demand something better and more complete as a relationship experience.  And it definitely opened up the door to something so much better - I'm never turning back.

Is there a part of yourself that you need to stand up for?
Hi Girlfriends!  It's been a looonnng time and I just want to thank everyone for hanging in there with me, being patient and staying readers and friends while I took a mega hiatus!  I have SO much to fill you in on - first, there will be not one, but two new books to come based on my experiences in love and life before and after "Maybe...It's You!"  Second, I'm happy to tell you that just a little over a year after my publication of my first book, which many of you have read...I've found (well, actually re-discovered) love.  I can't wait to give you the story - it's been what I call an urban lovelife adventure, and it's pretty amazing how it all happened!  It's been my goal with this project, my books, my videos and my blog to give us all, myself included, the inspiration and hopefully understanding to cultivate and encourage the growth of love and happiness in our everyday lives, and that starts first and foremost with love of yourself.  With that as the beginning, there's nothing that we can't have or accomplish.

I just wanted to give you a little "hello" - I know it's been a minute, but I'm officially back and will be here, once a week with a new blog entry and will soon start again with my videos.  In the meantime, feel free to send me questions, comments and anything else that you want me to address.  I've missed you all and I'm happy to be back in action!

Also, I didn't formally announce it, but...we drastically dropped the price of the Kindle version of "Maybe...It's You!" on Amazon.  Check it out for yourself!  http://amzn.to/mrcDAd

Much love, Nikki



This is a quick 3 minute video plus narration that illustrates what might be the most important dating principle that I'll give you on this blog.  Watch above, then come back for the discussion...don't worry, I'll wait...

Back?  Great, so then now you should know what a "first follower" is and how important that role is in the life of another person looking to accomplish something new, non-traditional or out of the ordinary in life.  Essentially, for anyone following their dreams, looking to grow or just seeking happiness, this description fits.  And if that's the case, then entering their life, are you prepared to play the role of a "first follower?"  Can you be the one that jumps behind the vision of another just because?  Can you be the person in another person's life who is the first to say, "ok, I agree with you" when they confess their goal or other vision for themselves?  If so, then you've just taken the first step to becoming irreplaceable. 

That's what you want to be in your relationship - maybe hard to find, but impossible to replace.  In that situation, Girlfriend, there is a guy that will stick with you.  Why?  Because you're helping him to reach a higher ground for himself.  You're the one who makes him not crazy when he decides that he wants to climb Mt. Whitney or start a new business venture.  You're the one who makes the magic happen...and just with the simple step of being the first to allow his vision to be your reality as well.  It takes courage to be that first follower.  Is it in you?

Marinate and discuss.