Blog tag:www.nikkinokes.com,2009-12-28:/maybe-its-you//1 2011-08-10T05:16:53Z Movable Type Pro 4.32-en More on Courage... tag:www.nikkinokes.com,2011:/maybe-its-you//1.74 2011-08-10T05:12:41Z 2011-08-10T05:16:53Z Nikki Nokes http://www.nikkinokes.com/
"The only courage you ever need is the courage to live the life of your dreams."

Now, I don't have any tattoos, because I never heard or saw anything so important to me that I was certain I wouldn't change my mind about it later - but this quote, this is tattoo-worthy.

The only courage you ever need is the courage to live the life of your dreams.  I know I've been writing a bit about courage and fear and maybe that's what happens when you dig down past all the dating and relationship issues, and get down to what matters most - your relationship with yourself and the life that you want to live.  Not just from a one-dimensional perspective, but organically, all the way around.  So, the way I see it, fear and courage are the two most important subjects that should follow and I could write about both for years and years (I'm sure I won't, but I'm just saying'...).  In my last blog post, I asked you your name for courage.  Who are you when you are the most courageous?  And as you ask yourself this question about courage, ask yourself the same about fear.  Who or what is it in you that tells you that you can't or you shouldn't when you try to answer the life that's calling you? 

Your dreams whisper to you so softly that no one else can hear them - and that's because they're only for you.  Your dreams are a "to be" that are meant to be - but only you can make it so.  Give credit and credence to your dreams - they know you better than you know yourself.

And that's why it's so important Girlfriends (and Guy friends too), to find the courage to fight past the fear - the apprehension of the unknown.  Your miscalculation of the likelihood of failure.  That's fear - you think you're gonna lose, so you don't even play the game.  Well, Girlfriends, we all know that if you don't play the game, you lose anyway.  So, what's there really to be afraid of? 

Name your fear - because it is not a part of who you are.  And then, move past it with the courage to answer the life that's calling you.

Much love,
NN
]]> Your Name For Courage tag:www.nikkinokes.com,2011:/maybe-its-you//1.73 2011-07-30T13:00:00Z 2011-07-30T14:27:06Z Nikki Nokes http://www.nikkinokes.com/
I'm giving you this information because I have a larger message (when don't I, right?).  There's going to come a time in your life when you need to borrow courage to take the next step.  There will be a time when no matter how hard you try, you may not feel like you're enough or you have enough to make the jump.  But, I'm telling you that you must.  Whether it's writing your own book, or starting a reading group, putting together your recipes for your bakery, or getting into the gym for the first time - it's your unique challenge to conquer.  When I made the decision to write my book, I was scared immobile with thoughts of "what will people think," "will they judge me at work?," "what if they don't like my book?," and worst of all "what if I'm not good enough?"  These questions plague us all in the adventure of progress in our lives, and the lucky people just ignore them and keep on truckin'.  The rest of us, me included, have to find a way to silence the doubt and push our way into action. 

My path to action meant that I had to borrow permission from someone else.  Yes, it seems extreme to have to literally borrow permission, but that is where Nikki Nokes came to serve a second purpose for me.  Now, more than just a nickname, Nikki Nokes allowed me to be the person I could not be on my own and say the things I could not...well thought I could not say.  And here we are, a year and a half later, one book published, 21 videos, 8 blog entries, and 2700 Friends, Fans and Girlfriends later into what I once thought was impossible. 

Sometimes, you have to rename yourself.  Sometimes you have to borrow permission from that person inside of you who is fearless and worthy and special. 

Find your new name and take your next step.

-- NN

]]> Standing Up For Yourself tag:www.nikkinokes.com,2011:/maybe-its-you//1.72 2011-06-20T01:49:51Z 2011-07-30T01:13:25Z Nikki Nokes http://www.nikkinokes.com/
For now, I just want to give you a little story about a guy that I dated and how he "sponsored" one of my most important lessons.  You know how you can "hang out" with someone for a period of months - going out, spending time on the phone, even exchanging affirmations about how you feel about the other person, but still it's clear that there's no real relationship there?  That was me - at the beginning of this year.  Actually, to be honest, that's been me a million times before, but the most recent time...was then.  And so, for a period, I fooled myself into thinking that this half-baked experience was better than nothing.  And so I stuck with it.  Until...one day - there was just this one day, I dressed my best.  I looked my best.  I felt my best.  And the million bucks me went out with him again, on our usual "non-date."  And in one moment, where he looked at me like he would on any other night - any other night where I hadn't put in the work, time and effort and most importantly, any other night where I wasn't feeling like I was the most fabulous thing around - I knew just then that he didn't see me.  Not that I was invisible, but some of the most important parts of me were invisible to him.  He didn't get the total picture - just a piece and that wasn't good enough for me.  At least, not anymore.

So, on that night Girlfriends, I made the decision to stand up for myself.  I decided never to let someone take a part of me - the part that works the best for them, and leave the rest.  I come as a complete package, and a pretty spectacular one at that - so if someone doesn't get all of it, they don't get to get any of it.

Standing up for myself - and I mean, all of myself, finally gave me permission to demand something better and more complete as a relationship experience.  And it definitely opened up the door to something so much better - I'm never turning back.

Is there a part of yourself that you need to stand up for?]]> Back! Yes, really back! tag:www.nikkinokes.com,2011:/maybe-its-you//1.71 2011-06-13T04:37:45Z 2011-06-12T16:13:16Z Nikki Nokes http://www.nikkinokes.com/
I just wanted to give you a little "hello" - I know it's been a minute, but I'm officially back and will be here, once a week with a new blog entry and will soon start again with my videos.  In the meantime, feel free to send me questions, comments and anything else that you want me to address.  I've missed you all and I'm happy to be back in action!

Also, I didn't formally announce it, but...we drastically dropped the price of the Kindle version of "Maybe...It's You!" on Amazon.  Check it out for yourself!  http://amzn.to/mrcDAd

Much love, Nikki]]> In Dating - the Importance of Being the "First Follower" tag:www.nikkinokes.com,2010:/maybe-its-you//1.21 2010-02-17T06:15:30Z 2010-02-17T06:29:15Z Nikki Nokes http://www.nikkinokes.com/

This is a quick 3 minute video plus narration that illustrates what might be the most important dating principle that I'll give you on this blog.  Watch above, then come back for the discussion...don't worry, I'll wait...

Back?  Great, so then now you should know what a "first follower" is and how important that role is in the life of another person looking to accomplish something new, non-traditional or out of the ordinary in life.  Essentially, for anyone following their dreams, looking to grow or just seeking happiness, this description fits.  And if that's the case, then entering their life, are you prepared to play the role of a "first follower?"  Can you be the one that jumps behind the vision of another just because?  Can you be the person in another person's life who is the first to say, "ok, I agree with you" when they confess their goal or other vision for themselves?  If so, then you've just taken the first step to becoming irreplaceable. 

That's what you want to be in your relationship - maybe hard to find, but impossible to replace.  In that situation, Girlfriend, there is a guy that will stick with you.  Why?  Because you're helping him to reach a higher ground for himself.  You're the one who makes him not crazy when he decides that he wants to climb Mt. Whitney or start a new business venture.  You're the one who makes the magic happen...and just with the simple step of being the first to allow his vision to be your reality as well.  It takes courage to be that first follower.  Is it in you?

Marinate and discuss.
]]> Tips on Self-Publishing (Part 2) - Editing and Proofreading tag:www.nikkinokes.com,2010:/maybe-its-you//1.17 2010-02-04T14:54:45Z 2010-02-08T05:37:17Z Nikki Nokes http://www.nikkinokes.com/
On editing:
Once you have completed the story, then the real work starts.  Editing is work.  Real work.  After you spend all this time writing your project, you now have to re-approach it with fresh eyes and basically tear it up to put it back together again.  The editing process is where excellence happens.   After I finished writing the initial story, I spent over a week not even looking at my manuscript.  I focused on other things, like cover design, marketing plans, etc. to maintain the energy of my project, but to give me enough time to do a reset on my brain.  Then, when I did re-visit my book, I was able to not feel so personal about taking it apart , deleting, rearranging, etc.  When you're too close, you don't have the objectivity you need to make the necessary changes so that your work becomes the best that it can be.  Another thing that I recommend for editing is to read your first draft all the way through twice before making a single note or change.  You'll be tempted to want to make edits along the way, but don't.  Don't worry about forgetting something.  Trust me, it will jump out at you later as well.  What you want to do is get a good overall sense of your work as a complete organic whole.  That will allow you to do the 35,000 feet analysis and maneuvering needed to get things in their proper place.  On each round of editing, I recommend reading the entire new draft through twice before you start to make your next round of changes.

On proofreading:
While they might disappear before your eyes, because you have gotten used to seeing them in your manuscript, typos takes your reader out of his or her experience with your work.  It creates seams and rips in something that should be seamless.  So, proofreading is a very important step.  You absolutely 100% have to have at least two other people read your "final" work all the way through with a critical eye.  If you can afford a professional proofreader, go for it.  Here's the place to splurge.  I had three people read my manuscript before I considered it final.  Then, I went back over it with a fine-toothed comb - a super fine toothed comb.  Crazy thing, I was still finding typos!  Even now, I hope that I got them all out.  Although I removed 1000 typos over 10 rounds of proofing, someone reading my book wasn't there for that process, so just one typo means a lot more.  One small typo can color the way that someone views your otherwise perfect process.  That's why I spent so much time and effort in trying to get it perfect.  Clearly nothing is perfect and typos can be easily corrected, especially if you're self-publishing, but you don't want to turn people off unnecessarily.

A few proofreading strategies:

Since your eyes eventually become immune to seeing errors in your writing, you have to find ways to shock your system into paying closer attention.  Two things I used:

1.    Dot or check each word as you read it.  Every single one of the 50,000-100,000 words of your manuscript.
 
2.    Read your entire manuscript out loud.  If you have friends with extreme patience, read it out loud to someone else.  Slowly and deliberately.

3.    Break up your proofreading so that you are only doing part in a day.  I suggest spreading the process over at least 5-10 days to make it through your entire manuscript.

]]> Tips on Self-Publishing (Part 1) tag:www.nikkinokes.com,2010:/maybe-its-you//1.13 2010-01-27T16:44:08Z 2010-02-08T05:31:40Z I've been getting a lot of questions about the writing and self-publishing process, so I thought that I would condense my responses into a series of posts. In Part 1, I'm covering the basics of the writing process, including... Nikki Nokes http://www.nikkinokes.com/ I've been getting a lot of questions about the writing and self-publishing process, so I thought that I would condense my responses into a series of posts.

In Part 1, I'm covering the basics of the writing process, including developing your premise or idea, gathering your information, setting up your story/outline and the process of actually writing the book.  If you have questions, feel free to leave them as comments to this post, or you can always email me at Nokes@NikkiNokes.com.  Enjoy!

Writing process (non-fiction):

On the basic premise or idea:

The writing process started for me with a "why?" In the case of "Maybe...It's You," why are women single? The better your why, the more gas you'll have in your engine to keep going. My why was very important to me, as it was a question that I also needed to answer for myself.

On gathering your information:

Once your "why" is set, then you need to set about finding your answer.   Even if you feel that you are an expert on a particular topic, you should still research. It's only fair to your readers. Make sure that you're right. Everything looks so much more official in print, so you don't want to mislead people that are trusting you with their time and attention. Besides looking to articles, journals, and other third-party information, I suggest taking surveys to give you a change to perform your own analysis of real data. The only thing to worry about is your sample size and diversity. I used Survey Monkey for my surveys. They have free and paid options.

On setting up your "story":

Once you have your research, reading and analyzing your collected information should start giving you the basis of what your actual "story" is going to be. You write based on the information that you have.  If your original theory is disproven, then you need to go back and identify the actual truth that the facts are giving you.

On the writing process:

I started my actual writing with an outline. I ALWAYS do my outlines by hand with pen and paper. It helps me connect more to my thoughts. The outline is the skeleton to the form that my thoughts and ideas are ultimately going to take. Besides editing, the outline is the most important thing.

From the outline, you have to find the time to fill in your "story." I had to steal hours from my already full schedule.  I would wake up extra early to give myself time before work, and I used as much as I could of my weekends.  Writing takes discipline. I have found that if you just dedicate the time, even if it is just to sit in front of the computer staring at your outline, somehow, the information will start to pour out of you. It's an endurance play. If you only have five minutes to squeeze out of some days, then use that five minutes. Another thing that I found very helpful was a voice recorder. When I was in the car or somewhere where I wasn't able to access my writing supplies, I just took verbal notes, and in some cases, dictated entire passages. While the research and planning phase took about a year and a half, writing the book took me about three months.

Coming in Part 2...the editing and proofreading process...including whether or not you should hire a professional editor (short answer, yes!)..]]> Welcome!! tag:www.nikkinokes.com,2010:/maybe-its-you//1.2 2010-01-02T02:59:00Z 2010-03-27T14:47:48Z Nikki Nokes http://www.nikkinokes.com/

Thank you so much for visiting!  Welcome to my blog!  I'm so happy that you stopped by and would like to thank you for your support.  

Don't we all love to talk about relationships!  No matter what topic we start with, from climate change to our favorite shoe designers, the ultimate focus of the conversation always lands solidly on men and relationships.  Whether we're saying we met someone new, or the proverbial "all men are dogs" - relationships are on our hearts, minds and lips.

What I started to notice in conversations with my girlfriends is that while we easily spend our time discussing what was wrong with "them," the conversation never really turned to "us" with an honest critique of what we might be doing that contributed to the results we were getting out of our relationships.  We never shared advice and expectations for better experiences.  This thought evolved into Maybe...It's You!

Maybe ...It's You is a self-empowerment tool for the single girlfriends to not only spark a personal, internal dialogue, but also a new type of conversation amongst each other, this time, one that might lead to a new and different conclusion and ultimately a different result other than, men suck and I'm still single.  Maybe...It's You! is an attempt to answer the question "why."  Why is he not into me?  Why doesn't he commit to me?  Why am I not meeting anyone?  Why am I still single?? 

We all deserve to be happy, Girlfriends.  Sometimes, it just takes a little work.  So, with that, I pose to you the following question, if you are single, have you ever considered...maybe it's you?

Talk to you soon!

-Nikki

You can always email me at Nokes@NikkiNokes.com   
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